It’s June 25th, and coming up to today, I’ve heard 2 people mention “it’s 6 months till Christmas!”
I had no idea there was a countdown started at this point. I mean, it would be a HUGE advent calendar (and a lot of chocolate). But, of course, it made me think about Christmas. (Just like someone saying “Purple Elephants’) And then my mind wandered (narrow, shallow tracks are easily de-railed).
What would the ramifications be? What would be the positives and the negatives be? What would come from celebrating Christmas in June?
Last Christmas I received a set of gaiters for cross country skiing, a new winter jacket and some wool socks. All of which I needed, and all of which are very winter oriented.
So that, at least for me, would be a real positive for Christmas in June — warm weather gifts. Like a GoPro (outdoor hero model, hint, hint).
Another plus, it would be easy shopping.
I don’t care how much spin you use or how much “us against the world” mentality is brought into play: shoveling snow for 45 minutes to drive across town at 10MPH with soaked, cold feet to buy whatever’s available because nothing is in stock since you waited so long to get the shopping done and you’ve had to venture out into the worst blizzard in the last 10 years in the first place is never fun.
I’m not bitter, though.
I have lived in northern climes all my life. Every time I watch the Sun Bowl in Arizona, or the Rose Bowl in Southern California, I am baffled by decorations on cactus and palm trees. It would take a lot of getting used to, seeing ornaments on a Maple Tree, or an Oak.
Oh, sure, they’re easier to climb than a pine tree for putting up lights, but the leaves would really block the lights. It’s going to take bigger bulbs and a completely different fastening system to bring this tradition into the warm months.
And what of the Candy Cane? That tart sweet that picks you up and gives you a jump on a cold winter’s day? It’s summer, you don’t really need the snap that a Candy Cane gives you, unless you’ve just eaten garlic.
So what would we use to replace the candy cane on the tree? My first thought- Pina Coladas in a striped red and white beer mug. Obviously, NO fire danger. The color scheme is maintained, the handles provide hangars and oak branches reach up (where pine branches go more sideways) so there is minimum spillage. Pina Colada ornaments- a definite positive.
But a negative on the Treat Side is Christmas Baking. In winter, the smell of the cookies and the warmth of the kitchen provides a gathering point where families come together to celebrate. And for children to burn their tongues when pilfering just out of the oven cookies. (As a kid, that was my mother’s imprecation as we dashed through the kitchen to grab fresh cookies “May you burn your tongue!) But with summer, the warmth of the kitchen will turn into a fiery inferno, like the inside of the oven. Can we get by with only Rice Krispy Treats and no-bake cookies?
Short answer, no. In fact, NO. Just (NO) for (NO) emphasis. The cookie is a staple, and man cannot live by bread alone. He NEEDS the cookie.
But a positive is emerging to help balance out the scale. No Fruitcake. Because no one will be able to leave the oven on for the 7 hours it takes to get the fruitcake to the proper consistency. You say no one bakes a fruitcake for 7 hours? Then explain why we have a house in our neighborhood BUILT out of fruitcakes. It’s more durable than brick, for Santa’s sake. I have never received enough to build (my shed is only half completed)- so I freeze them and use them as ice in coolers for now. They’re so much tougher than those plastic freeze things.
But, does the lack of fruit cake balance out the lack of cookies.
NO. NO. NO. NO.
So, to sum up the summer treat situation: no cookies is no good, even with no fruitcake.
It’s beginning to look a lot like . . .
Another negative rears its ugly head as well. When you have Chistmas in June, especially in the southern states where the heat is in full force — Santa in a Speedo.
Very negative, actually.
And what about the sleigh! Maybe June Santa rolls in a custom made convertible Hummer towed by 8 tiny zebras, because the zebras are used to the heat, and sled runners are no good in summer? You gotta have wheels! I don’t know if that’s pro or con, but it does sound cool. And if Santa gets wind of that idea, it’s lobbying with BSC playoff intensity times infinity to move Christmas, because you know that right jolly old elf is so tired of the old school sled.
Santa wants uptown, with spinning rims, killer sound and a flat screen on the steering wheel. Hey, he’s not driving, it’s the zebras! Custom Hummer, here he comes.
And this just hit me like a ton of reindeer do-do! What happens to The Night Before Christmas? That’s a Classic! And Charlie Brown? Where will he find a tiny Maple that looks so sad? Can we really put the Grinch in a convertible Hummer?
I don’t think so.
And what will the Norelco Razors ride on if not the snow?
All thorny questions brought about by two people commenting, “It’s six months till Christmas today!”
Maybe it’s not too late to have two Christmases? Of course, that brings up the ultimate question: What’s on your June Christmas wish list? Let us know in the comments.